nfotxn: (Default)
Fox News will go something a little bit like this in 2013 (maybe sooner):

nfotxn: (Default)
Every morning I wake up wasted and tired. But I have to be awake by 6AM to be vaguely lucid by 7AM to arrive at class for 8AM and start my day. Like anybody else I've tried stimulants like coffee but don't dig the jitters, stomach upset or mocha scented urine. That just can't be healthy.

In our fast-paced world it's no wonder we're all feeling so tired all the time. Our fragile ape bodies evolved for centuries with lots of little breaks. So I have a proposition for the betterment of fast-paced modern cultures everywhere:

Monkey Speed

At Monkey Speed we take lots of little breaks. File a report then chill with a banana for a while. Waiting for the bus or train? Groom a friend to pass the time. You can make new friends this way as well. Conflict management? We've got it down, nothing beats road rage like a heated session of genital-genital stimulation with your aggressor.

By the end of the day you'll be feeling relaxed and content having dealt with all life's problem in a well rehearsed and natural human way.

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