nfotxn: (2012)
2017-04-04 12:44 am

Meet Your Heroes

I met a "friend" from here two summers ago after being acquainted here since 2001. In the meantime he'd married another livejournal user who dislikes me for whatever reasons, one of which being that I'm Canadian. I think he thinks that's a provacative opinion when really it's just kinda rude.

So we are in Montreal. We pass in Le Stud.



That's all it was. That's all there is.

I remember in my 20s wanting the approval and friendship of these people so much. And much more solid people who got to know me were telling me "Why do you care what these douchebags think? They don't care about you"

How right they were. Even when you have the looks to work it you're still nothing to them. A belt notch. Male conquest. It's an act of domination. I just wanted people to like me. To soothe abandonment issues that I'm still working on.

But that's all there is. That's all it was. Do not let the douche consume you. They suck young blood.

nfotxn: (Default)
2012-10-25 01:04 pm

Ears, Nose & Throat

"You have the hearing damage of somebody who's worked at [a steel mill] for two years. Don't worry, for a young guy like you I'm pretty sure it'll come back"

Hearing loss runs in the family. I've been trying to get treatment for the maddening pain I've had in my hears, neck and throat for years. Countless tests, specialists, useless treatments both script and natural to no avail. Even a quack ENT doctor who ran a commercial plastic surgery clinic alongside his regular practice who gave me the complete bums rush "put baby oil in 'em". Glad you went to medical school to google that handy tip.

I quit smoking to alleviate this pain. I uselessly got on anti-depressants, anything that was thrown my way. Now I have to find a pharmacy that will actually compound this stuff for me and hope that this is the cure I'm looking for.

In all this I learned chronic pain will surely make you mad, ear plugs are essential and my iPod was really far too loud. 
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-10-25 12:43 pm

Maybe in 20 Years

I've been cutting back connections I can't maintain this year to moderate success. Leaving Facebook was universally beneficial for a few reasons. As best as I can tell I've not missed anything I wouldn't have known about through other means. The tremendous relief of not having to fabricate a tale describing how I'd like my life to be projected soothes the soul. I like Instagram a lot because the effort is low, reward is instant and the trite discourse is kept to a minimum. 

Google+, well, that's just not my scene. Twitter was another matter. I'm involved with a lot of friends who fancy themselves politicians and community leaders. Originally, I found this exciting and the promise of post-industrial revitalization through arts and culture cued me to spend untold hours volunteering, canvasing, performing and patronizing local businesses. Not long after that talks of "gentrification" began and I dismissed them. Years later it was apparent what I was party to. And now the places I considered to be a new home for life turned into tourism spots for suburban kids, yuppies and students. And a forum for "small businesses" to hawk their bullshit and gain an axis of power on the backs of artists. I was naive and thought, somehow, if I involved myself it would be different. One of our local monthly paper vanity projects regularly post gay-bashing religious bullshit

I pretended I like it here but I don't. The people I really relate to largely live either in the suburbs here or in Toronto where being queer is actually a possibility. Not just humoured politely in exchange for token faggot credibility. There are lots of great people of all walks around me in my life that I hang out with through the LGBT bowling league, bear events in the region and friends nearby. But we have one bar that is a complete dump and nobody goes there except for bingo on Sundays. It blows. 

The strange circumstance I also experienced was on anti-depressants. I had no libido therefore injecting myself in straight hipster civic booster society wasn't so bad. Except for the not having sex part. So I hung around drinking expensive cool beers, listening to really loud bands and watched straight people get laid.


The last decade in this city has not been kind to me. I've had to keep two jobs to stay afloat, usually commuting long distances for low wages. There has been talk of LRT and it may even get built but a recent study of the proposed work, cost and timeline shows benefits not being produced for at least two decades. If it gets built.

I've talked to my boyfriend Mark and most of his work is done in Toronto. His home office is in Burlington, reasonable commuting distance from The Big Smoke. I'm tired of waiting for Hamilton to give me a break. The City's slogan is "Best Place To Raise A Child" and the slogan of yuppie hipsters in town on t-shirts reads "You can do anything in Hamilton". The subtext being that if you are affluent you can come and take and if you're straight you can have a baby and send them to school. Nothing for a gay man who is not affluent or interested in having babies. But worst of all little regard is given to the scads of retired, disabled and socio-economically disadvantaged people Hamilton warehouses for Ontario. I still have flashbacks to folks bed-ridden on the 15th floor, bed buggs surrounding them with only a PSW there once a day to see them. That's the dirty side of Canada's allegedly great  social safety net. These same yuppie city-boosters who pay endless lip-service and boosterism to Hamilton seem to tacitly believe in trickle down Reaganomics when it comes to their place in their local society. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I love my family and friends here, I have long roots in Hamilton. But I'm ready to move on to a bigger pond. Heck, most of my friends with creative jobs begrudgingly work there anyhow. I'm just not in the financial position to buy a house so why not suck up the extra $300/mo to rent the same apartment at Church & Wellesley or in Leslieville or The Junction and actually have a real community, transit, more than one good coffee shop per square kilometre? 
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-09-10 11:36 am

Fact is..

Fact is all your "friends" on the internet don't give a fuck. Honestly, unless you are boning them they severely don't give a fuck. It's a fucking low bandwidth monkey mirror of egotistical preening and reward system psychology. I think there's a good reason Facebook stock is relatively worthless, G+ is a flop and Twitter is locking down their business via the API. 

I have 4 people I call friends. A lovely boyfriend and his family as well as mine. I hope you do too. 

I like Instagram though, it gets to the point. 
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-09-05 11:21 am


If you're about to go on an intensive social media campaign to support your latest cause I'd appreciate one I can contribute to. Otherwise I really get the impression you're just in it for the glory. I know, what a preposterous assumption! I should be ashamed. 
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-08-20 09:16 am

Google Negative

I quit Google+ because it was full of Android fanboys fapping to court proceedings and broscience. 
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-07-30 01:02 am

Find Your Focus

Deleting my Facebook has really helped me to focus my time on the computer downloading, organizing and fapping to porn. With an insignificant but present increase in productivity.

That's called "discipline" folks, you may have heard of it.
nfotxn: (Default)
2012-07-26 11:37 am


Via [ profile] thornyc


nfotxn: (Default)
2012-07-26 11:30 am

Understanding your Challenges

I quit Facebook yesterday. I spent most of my time on there fighting with strangers and wondering why my friends from long ago don't give a shit about me.

Up and up. I feel pretty good about this. 
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-11-16 12:28 pm


A Place To StandSome time ago a friend found a box of 45s by the side of the road and gave them to me. Amongst well used singles by The Toys, Gene Chandler, Paul Anka and the Beatles was a near pristine copy of the Ontario song from the Ontario pavilion at Expo '67 in Montréal.

Maybe I've worked at Local History too long and have become to sentimental. But I can't help but consider the provenance. Did this young girl travel to Montréal and visit the Expo bringing this record back home to Hamilton? Or maybe they were given out at school? Nobody can know for sure.

What I do know is that these songs can transport me back to a time in Canadian history of unfettered idealism that I missed out on.

A Place to Stand (Theme I) by nfotxn

A Place to Stand (Theme II) by nfotxn
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-10-08 11:17 pm
Entry tags:
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-09-16 12:46 pm


I just read some IRC logs I found on a CD-R from when I was a teen. Apparently I and everyone I knew were clinically insane. I might share but it's mostly just humiliating.
nfotxn: (awesome)
2009-09-16 02:40 am

It's a journal, write in it.

But I have no time to write in it. I assure you things are still hectic. Some exciting things and lots of hard work. I'm still under paid but appreciated. I have deadlines to meet. I haven't seen my family in a month and I miss them. I got a man who loves me unconditionally. I have a cat that loves me conditionally. I think I have met everybody in town. Summer has been memorable, at least I think it would have been if I'd been sober more often. There are clips in my head. I still want to change a lot of things.
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-09-02 01:11 am

Welcome to Bird Yoga

Today on Bird Yoga we learn to give our birds a nice bird massage.

nfotxn: (Default)
2009-08-27 04:50 am


This photo is from my DJ set at Loose Canon a few weeks ago. It's my first time being a DJ since I used to play before my friends bad punk band shows at the Corktown. I'd confuse them with computers and dance music. But we'd all get drunk and then get high in the parking lot so it all ended up copacetic. Now I hang out with more kin folk at the Art Crawl and whatnot and can afford pretty nifty gear. I made a clear decision not to get into 12" vinyl records because a) I'm cheap b) they're heavy and c) blogs don't spit out records and d) this is 2009 for fuck's sake.

I've been tweeting (I have twat?) about food lots lately. Despite a crazy schedule I like to cook for myself and my Mom because good food is so easy to have in the summer. There has been good and bad, mostly good.

    Good Eats

  • Escarole lettuce sauté in butter
  • Opal basil limeaid
  • Taziki new mini potatoes w/ extra dill
  • Fresh local corn
  • Tempeh reuben sandwich v. 2.0
  • Almond cranberry Clif®-style bars w/ hemp oil & protein isolate, totally functionalicious
  • Creamy gnocchi with arugula pesto
  • Korean BBQ short ribs

    Bad Eats

  • Tempeh reuben sanwich v. 1.0 w/ gross vegan seasoning (tamari soy, chipotle, caraway, cumin... just don't do it)
  • One particularly aimless tofu stir fry was like a mouth full of flavourless fibrous protein mush. Always should include a curried roux.

The beard virus has been spreading around town. I blame the wettest summer in my recollection for ruining my skin. I'm totally humiliated by my tiny chin, both of them. One day if I'm fabulously rich and indifferent towards mutilating my body I will get chin implants, maybe a butt chin that can hold a golf pencil securely. However the beard virus has attacked three other people. It's effects are swift and complete eliminating all traces of a beard but the course of the beard virus self limiting. We are now engaged in a fierce beard race as to determine the most indicatively virile male or some other more convoluted heterosexual bonding deal. You can search for beard race related tweets on Twitter with the #beardrace hashtag. Feel free to join in if you're man enough, man bears.

I am going to win.

This Friday is Mr. Huw's birthday. He is turning 35 and asks that you bring no gifts to his party, especially no creams or cleansers that reduce the signs of aging. It will be at my friend Tate's resaurant called The Ship which is a fancy fish and chips joint in the trendy Augusta Street, which is quickly creating a name for itself as the IT spot in Hamilton for adults to binge drink far away from the spring break antics of Hess Village. Particularly piquing my interest is the $11 pitchers of mixed drinks, evoking memories of the Toolbox's "Skip and go naked" which I recall was mostly rum and ginger ale? 8PM people. And Torontonians, I know it's hard to leave The City but sincerely The Ship is visible from the Hunter St. GO Terminal. Haul ass and I'll buy you an $11 mixed drink pitcher, honest.
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-08-21 02:34 pm
Entry tags:

Padding Ghost

Ghosts, pirates, tigers, horses, treasure and Dan Deacon in a submarine.
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-08-20 12:51 am
nfotxn: (Default)
2009-08-12 05:07 am

Prairie Giant

Compare and contrast to the current healthcare reform debate in the USA.