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Warning
If you don't want to know about my problems, don't read any further. There are some pretty intimate details below regarding mental illness, unhappiness and general character flaws. Ones I plan on ironing out once and for all.
I've gotta come clean with a lot of you guys. Unless you couldn't tell already, I'm prone to mild manic depression. Additionally, I don't deal with it that well. Now, I'm not on medication although I have been on prozac in the past.. it left me sorta tantric. Not good for my formerly budding sex life.
Now, the problem is not the illness at all, I can handle it. I am a functioning human being and I'm pretty sure I don't fire off that many freak radars. People would describe me as "the life of the party", "hilarious" and "talented and soulful" (my favorite from the father of a kid I helped teach violin). Those are direct quotes, not mental masturbation. So please believe me that I'm not your standard bi-polar bear, I'm a very jubulent person at heart, it's just that sometimes I get really down and bounce back to ultra-highs ("mania") when things are going wrong.
Speaking of things going wrong, school is a whole world of "wrong". I skipped out on classes when the vice principal was milimeters away from catching me buying dope. The dealer got caught, but luckily he didn't peg me. I skipped classes for a week, hoping things would blow over.. just in case. Then I got sick for another two weeks. Now my semester is ruined. Again.
Now, you gotta understand, I used to be a good boy. I look back and I'm beside myself. I've become trash.
So, I'll be getting the credits I need before next year starts at home and at summer school (blargh!). The vice also wants me to consider a "special" school called "Corner Stone" that is more emotionally supportive.. whatever that means. I have to be refferred by my family Dr. Man, what a life, I've gone from the gifted class and "A" student to a homosexual mental case transplanted in suburban hell in a matter of two years.
So what matters?
I talked for a long time with my good friend Paul about what's going on. We agreed that it is a strange, but good, time in our lives. We're younge adults now with a lot of freedom and a lot of uncertainty. We both agree it's fucking petrifying. We talked about parties. Partying in Hamilton with my friends and me going on trips to Toronto. He thinks it's not that good for me, and I'm more inclined to agree. Although he's glad I have queer friends and he thinks people like John and Shawn are good people that I should stick around. He also thinks the random slutting isn't like me, and if he really knows me after 14 years that I'm more of the relationship type, hormones aside.
Again, I'm inclined to agree.
So, I'm gonna stop this aimless sexing. I'm not going to drop out of "the scene". I'll still show up at the box for some good dancing, drinks and a few hugs. I feel the most accepted there, strangely considering few people know me. I'll just be there less often. I AM a relationship person, and I CANNOT start one now. Plain and simple. But I do like having a good time, so if I come without the pretense of possible sex my enjoyment will be maximized.
That's the news, I'm Brodie Chree, signing off.
If you don't want to know about my problems, don't read any further. There are some pretty intimate details below regarding mental illness, unhappiness and general character flaws. Ones I plan on ironing out once and for all.
I've gotta come clean with a lot of you guys. Unless you couldn't tell already, I'm prone to mild manic depression. Additionally, I don't deal with it that well. Now, I'm not on medication although I have been on prozac in the past.. it left me sorta tantric. Not good for my formerly budding sex life.
Now, the problem is not the illness at all, I can handle it. I am a functioning human being and I'm pretty sure I don't fire off that many freak radars. People would describe me as "the life of the party", "hilarious" and "talented and soulful" (my favorite from the father of a kid I helped teach violin). Those are direct quotes, not mental masturbation. So please believe me that I'm not your standard bi-polar bear, I'm a very jubulent person at heart, it's just that sometimes I get really down and bounce back to ultra-highs ("mania") when things are going wrong.
Speaking of things going wrong, school is a whole world of "wrong". I skipped out on classes when the vice principal was milimeters away from catching me buying dope. The dealer got caught, but luckily he didn't peg me. I skipped classes for a week, hoping things would blow over.. just in case. Then I got sick for another two weeks. Now my semester is ruined. Again.
Now, you gotta understand, I used to be a good boy. I look back and I'm beside myself. I've become trash.
So, I'll be getting the credits I need before next year starts at home and at summer school (blargh!). The vice also wants me to consider a "special" school called "Corner Stone" that is more emotionally supportive.. whatever that means. I have to be refferred by my family Dr. Man, what a life, I've gone from the gifted class and "A" student to a homosexual mental case transplanted in suburban hell in a matter of two years.
So what matters?
I talked for a long time with my good friend Paul about what's going on. We agreed that it is a strange, but good, time in our lives. We're younge adults now with a lot of freedom and a lot of uncertainty. We both agree it's fucking petrifying. We talked about parties. Partying in Hamilton with my friends and me going on trips to Toronto. He thinks it's not that good for me, and I'm more inclined to agree. Although he's glad I have queer friends and he thinks people like John and Shawn are good people that I should stick around. He also thinks the random slutting isn't like me, and if he really knows me after 14 years that I'm more of the relationship type, hormones aside.
Again, I'm inclined to agree.
So, I'm gonna stop this aimless sexing. I'm not going to drop out of "the scene". I'll still show up at the box for some good dancing, drinks and a few hugs. I feel the most accepted there, strangely considering few people know me. I'll just be there less often. I AM a relationship person, and I CANNOT start one now. Plain and simple. But I do like having a good time, so if I come without the pretense of possible sex my enjoyment will be maximized.
That's the news, I'm Brodie Chree, signing off.
