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I lost my pills
Jul. 3rd, 2003 03:37 amSo something happened just over a week ago. I some how managed to lose the entire bottle of the anti-depressant I was using. That does sound like a suspect excuse but it's honestly what happend. Considering I'm an adult now and don't have any sort of drug benefit plan I wasn't about to pony up $110 for a bottle of pills I'd already bought.
And there I was in the bad lands of withdrawal from a mind altering chemical. I'd read every available drop of official research on the Effexor XR website for both patients and medical professions and there was little to no descript of the harsh withdrawal symptoms. Go figure. Luckily the sustained euphoria wasn't too traumatizing and seems to be nearly gone now.
Presently I'm not sure if it's the beautiful weather and fantastic time I had at pride or not but I feel as if I'm... cured? Oh sorry, that's not a word psychologists are allowed to use. But I feel very much back to my old self again only better. As if I'd been in some sort of mental bandage for the last four months and only now had it unraveled.
Also being horny and able to achieve orgasm in significantly less than 90 minutes is a really Good Thing. I also find my behavior becoming very festidious bordering on the obsessive compulsive. I'm not really too concerned about that because all things being relative I was feeling obsessively uncompulsive for the longest time so I think I'm closer to equilibrium now.
As a friend also on the same anti-depressant pointed out in his journal he felt the inability to experience grief or sympathy in any great capacity. Everything seems to roll of your back like a duck in an Exxon oil spill. Now on one hand I feel this helped me to heal and literally be without worries but oppositely I think it aided some unhealthy decisions I'd made by crippling my conscience. I can spend all my money on booze and sex or smoke some cigarettes 'cause, like, who's gonna stop me?! Not me!
In the end although I did feel somafied and stopped my therapy prematurely without the consent of my Doctor an SSRI really did help me to heal. I think if there's any catharsis from this experience is that I feel now to live my life I need to work harder at what I love every day.
Haha, oh man I am so going to eat those words!
And there I was in the bad lands of withdrawal from a mind altering chemical. I'd read every available drop of official research on the Effexor XR website for both patients and medical professions and there was little to no descript of the harsh withdrawal symptoms. Go figure. Luckily the sustained euphoria wasn't too traumatizing and seems to be nearly gone now.
Presently I'm not sure if it's the beautiful weather and fantastic time I had at pride or not but I feel as if I'm... cured? Oh sorry, that's not a word psychologists are allowed to use. But I feel very much back to my old self again only better. As if I'd been in some sort of mental bandage for the last four months and only now had it unraveled.
Also being horny and able to achieve orgasm in significantly less than 90 minutes is a really Good Thing. I also find my behavior becoming very festidious bordering on the obsessive compulsive. I'm not really too concerned about that because all things being relative I was feeling obsessively uncompulsive for the longest time so I think I'm closer to equilibrium now.
As a friend also on the same anti-depressant pointed out in his journal he felt the inability to experience grief or sympathy in any great capacity. Everything seems to roll of your back like a duck in an Exxon oil spill. Now on one hand I feel this helped me to heal and literally be without worries but oppositely I think it aided some unhealthy decisions I'd made by crippling my conscience. I can spend all my money on booze and sex or smoke some cigarettes 'cause, like, who's gonna stop me?! Not me!
In the end although I did feel somafied and stopped my therapy prematurely without the consent of my Doctor an SSRI really did help me to heal. I think if there's any catharsis from this experience is that I feel now to live my life I need to work harder at what I love every day.
Haha, oh man I am so going to eat those words!
