Old Boyfriends

---

When I get down in the dumps I play the viola. I used to be really good at it too, back in the day. Then I think life got in the way and I didn't stop caring but stopped allowing the music to flow out of me. In my old age I get too impatient, too upset too easily to really focus. Maybe I'm actually just continuing to lose my mind and I just don't notice it.

I miss playing in ensemble and that incomparable high you get when sound and time come together. And I don't think I can go on any longer pretending that I am a laptop musician or bass player in a punk band. Fun distractions but not exactly musically deep. It's just not where my heart really is.

Often at work I have parents who's children I once taught ask me if I still play. Or when I'm going to start playing again. Clearly this is one of the best things I've ever done in my life. It's nothing short of a great love in my life. Something that brings me a lot of joy. And something I tried to forget, for reasons I do not even know why.