That's Just Fine / Self-Talk Therapy
Apr. 3rd, 2005 08:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nfotxnA tiny digression before I go on: lately it seems each step in whatever direction in life comes in like a sun shower. Unexpected and brief moments of clarity rain down briefly and depart leaving me still humid, sweaty and sticky. Well, wishful thinking at least. Today Hamilton has a sever winter storm warning. Not Toronto, London, Windsor or Kitchener.. just Hamilton. Like a storm just popped up in the middle of this shit, dumps it's load and dissipates before it hits any floor-to-ceiling condo windows in Toronto.
Mind boggling.
Today's revelation, of sorts, is that I am totally fine with my lifestyle. Not that I don't aspire to creative creative heights, that's always been the case, just funny little 'life style' things. Is that one word yet, "lifestyle"? You'd think so. But I am at peace with the fact that my kitchen sparkles but once or twice a month. That I only make my bed when company is coming over and that I often don't take my garbage to the curb for periods of 2-3 weeks at a time. All sorts of rationalizations come into play. For instance in the summer I smuggly recite to myself that I've done so much composting that I can for-go my domestic responsibilities for the week. I've been responsible and am paying myself back for such pro-active environmentalism.
Not that it's necessarily a sort of shame. To me it's a level of comfort in life... disorganization is almost some sort of grand design that I must abide by. I am certainly an organizer by way of chaos and often wonder how that will effect me in my continuing adult life... will it limit my dating possibilities? I suppose it's just how a mind works really. My logic is decidedly fuzzy and never comes out organized in neatly identifiable patterns that could be discerned by a trained chimpanzee. And my revelation today is that I'm cool with that 'cause it ain't likely to change without perhaps some electroshock therapy.
...
So it's decided, I will clean the breakfast dishes after I come home from work.
Mind boggling.
Today's revelation, of sorts, is that I am totally fine with my lifestyle. Not that I don't aspire to creative creative heights, that's always been the case, just funny little 'life style' things. Is that one word yet, "lifestyle"? You'd think so. But I am at peace with the fact that my kitchen sparkles but once or twice a month. That I only make my bed when company is coming over and that I often don't take my garbage to the curb for periods of 2-3 weeks at a time. All sorts of rationalizations come into play. For instance in the summer I smuggly recite to myself that I've done so much composting that I can for-go my domestic responsibilities for the week. I've been responsible and am paying myself back for such pro-active environmentalism.
Not that it's necessarily a sort of shame. To me it's a level of comfort in life... disorganization is almost some sort of grand design that I must abide by. I am certainly an organizer by way of chaos and often wonder how that will effect me in my continuing adult life... will it limit my dating possibilities? I suppose it's just how a mind works really. My logic is decidedly fuzzy and never comes out organized in neatly identifiable patterns that could be discerned by a trained chimpanzee. And my revelation today is that I'm cool with that 'cause it ain't likely to change without perhaps some electroshock therapy.
...
So it's decided, I will clean the breakfast dishes after I come home from work.
