(no subject)

[nfotxn]

I fantasized about suicide last night for a long time. Don't be too alarmed though, it's just fantasy. It's a fun situation to simulate.

My life has come down to this pathetic little journal, how sad is that?

Last night mom said to me that I'd "lost a great deal of respect in her eyes." That's part of this too. Mostly 'cause I'm sucking at school. We aren't close anymore, I can't tell her anything anymore. She never knew about Dan, although she had an idea I'm sure.

It all just makes me really sad. Please ignore me. Please?

Comments

[andrew-jp-reyes.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to see that your hurting. No one deserves that.

[darthcub.livejournal.com]

Well...I wish I could say that it's not a feeling I'm unfamiliar with. Gods I wish I could...but then I'd be lying. Probably feels like when my mom called me the devil one day. Gotta love what parents do to their kids.

If it makes any difference, there are people out there caring and worrying about yah...*shrugs*
I don't want you to have to walk down the path I'm already farther down...I wouldn't wish it on another person walking this planet...

If you need someone to talk to or just shhot the shit...you can give me a ring...I'll mail you my number...

*hugz*
-Grizz

fuck

[scoobycub.livejournal.com]

Shit Brodie. Don't get down again. Don't let yourself get like this. You have many people who care about you. You know that. I am one of them! Don't let this get you down. You are strong!

*hugs*

Your always in my heart!

[bobupndown.livejournal.com]

I know your pain right now is probably not even as close as you're telling us. Stop the negative suicide thoughts. They will haunt you if you don't stop them... this is from someone who knows, babe. Don't make me have a Red (from the 70's show) moment and call you a dumbass.

*hugs*

You're in a big state of flux. School, gay life, etc, etc, blah blah blah, and yeah, it's gonna be crazy. You're going to feel down. I definitely don't blame you for being in the state of mind you're in, I think most, if not all, of us have been there. You're an crazycooldude, bro, don't forget that.

Don't forget, bud, that sometimes moods just hit us... I usually chalk up my moods to Male PMS... I am living proof of it, and MAN, am I having a heavy flow day. Argh.

AOL IM: sparkwulf MSN: emperor9bob @ hot mail dot com - look me up sometime

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

You do know this was all just an elaborate rhuse to get your AOLIM screen name? Haha. Kidding. Mostly.

Seriously, I'm starting to believe in the male PMS thing. All I need is for a trying personal time to sync up with "that time of the month" and I'm down and out like Alice Cooper at a kegger in '73.. in a psychological sense.

Re:

[bobupndown.livejournal.com]

well, i'd like to say that it's all just in our heads, but unknown to me, i had friends in university mark down the days i was very irritable and difficult... gee, approximatley a month apart.

it was creepy.

I wish midol worked, alas it probably does not. I suspect that men are susceptible to something...even perhaps phases of the moon. If it can cause water to rise and fall in lakes, why not cause odd effects in our bodies?

[etherlad.livejournal.com]

I'm always available to talk to if you need it, dude.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

We do need to talk. I miss you!

[cpratt.livejournal.com]

Surely there's something other than your pathetic little journal? Like unpaid bills? Creditors pounding at your door? Crab lice? A general, all-pervasive reek of dread in the air? Phone calls from aluminium siding salesmen? Unwanted mail from TeleDate, offering to hook you up with a "stacked supervixen" who lives nearby? Neighbors putting plastic milk jugs of water on their lawn to fend off unwanted dog doo? A hangnail that's threatening to turn into a detached cuticle? Oatmeal splatter on the back of the stove that has morphed into something far scarier? Postcards from the library ordering you to return your Richard Scarry books or face ten cent fines? Upcoming finals that will require you to pretend you really like George Eliot novels? A computer virus that replaces all your Ovuca mp3 files with "Oops I Did It Again (Sexx Mix)" behind your back?

Seriously, I actually enjoy your pathetic little journal, although I usually refer to it in slightly more positive terms, such as your "hugely enjoyable journal", "surprisingly interesting journal" or "titillating log of hard core fuckin' in cheap motels of the greater Los Angeles basin" (oops, that would be my journal, sorry). It's up to you to go on or stop, but I'm hoping it's the former. (Yeah, I'm selfish.) It's damn fine readin'.

Oh, one last bit of advice for ya: Put down the Portishead. If you're bummed out, maybe something a little more upbeat would help? Say, The Carpenters? Herb Alpert? Tiffany?

I do have this nasty hangnail..

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

*puts down the portishead*

Aww meng, but Beth is just so good at being the diva of down! I'm glad you enjoy my journal but it's also as auto-biolgraphical as it is whismical and amusing.

Thanks for the kind words.