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A Collection of Slow Seconds
Mar. 29th, 2003 03:23 amSo I went out tonight. Called Brendan at work but he gave me the brush off because I had no specific plans. After renting some movies I out to the The Werx and met somebody I'd chatted with on gay.com. He turned out to be a complete candry raver (how passé!) totally rolling off his face.
Very charming.
This of course, and perhaps due to world circumstance, makes me notice that everyone is seeking escapism. Drugs, sex, addiction or otherwise it seems to me that we're all doing something to fuck ourselves up. I guess the real trick comes in moderating how much or often we medicate ourselves and slip out of reality. If there's anything I feel strongly (feel strongly, moi?!) about is that I want to expunge with my stress in effective and less harmful ways.
Despite hitting the town I've been feeling very nesty lately. I just want to cook for people and sit and chat seriously about the world around us. More than anything I feel the need for meaningful social contact Although gyrating across the dancefloor and bar cruising is fun it's just not what I need right now. All my straight friends just want to get trashed or play Dungeons&Dragons and video games. I wanna bake cakes and drink tea. WTF is wrong with me?
Ok, littlle micro-rant. Why can't I have rich parents? No really, I see all these guys my age and younger zipping around in fancy new wheels while I can barely afford a bus pass and worry about paying for my university education. Ok, so green isn't my colour but I certainly do assauge my feelings of jealousy by reminding myself that they'll all be in loveless relationships with fat wives and their own kids cruising around in their parents cars for places to smoke some dope or start their own illegitimate family.
But I digress...
I was lucky and got an early appointment with Dr. Chong, the doctor who's a specialist in dealing with musician's injuries. I'm hoping I can re-kindle my love for the viola and do something with it again. I am feeling really good though with my current medication other than being without as much libido. That's right boys, I'm outta the game and on the bench for a little while. Although I still have a pulse, I'm just not jerking off 3+ times a day.
Another thing I don't often address on Livejournal is insecurities. I know my willingness to divulge personal details can be a bit alarming. On a certain level I'm very conscious of how I come off but in the end I really don't see my honesty as having any sort of detrimental effect to my preceived character. I wish I could talk about all the fabulous vacations I'm going on, what fantastic products I've bought recently or just how deeply in love I am. But I'm too fucking poor and stressed out, all I've got are my feelings, experiences and a whole lotta school.
Ok, before I get off on too negative a course I'll cut things short. Good morning everyone, have a great weekend.
Very charming.
This of course, and perhaps due to world circumstance, makes me notice that everyone is seeking escapism. Drugs, sex, addiction or otherwise it seems to me that we're all doing something to fuck ourselves up. I guess the real trick comes in moderating how much or often we medicate ourselves and slip out of reality. If there's anything I feel strongly (feel strongly, moi?!) about is that I want to expunge with my stress in effective and less harmful ways.
Despite hitting the town I've been feeling very nesty lately. I just want to cook for people and sit and chat seriously about the world around us. More than anything I feel the need for meaningful social contact Although gyrating across the dancefloor and bar cruising is fun it's just not what I need right now. All my straight friends just want to get trashed or play Dungeons&Dragons and video games. I wanna bake cakes and drink tea. WTF is wrong with me?
Ok, littlle micro-rant. Why can't I have rich parents? No really, I see all these guys my age and younger zipping around in fancy new wheels while I can barely afford a bus pass and worry about paying for my university education. Ok, so green isn't my colour but I certainly do assauge my feelings of jealousy by reminding myself that they'll all be in loveless relationships with fat wives and their own kids cruising around in their parents cars for places to smoke some dope or start their own illegitimate family.
But I digress...
I was lucky and got an early appointment with Dr. Chong, the doctor who's a specialist in dealing with musician's injuries. I'm hoping I can re-kindle my love for the viola and do something with it again. I am feeling really good though with my current medication other than being without as much libido. That's right boys, I'm outta the game and on the bench for a little while. Although I still have a pulse, I'm just not jerking off 3+ times a day.
Another thing I don't often address on Livejournal is insecurities. I know my willingness to divulge personal details can be a bit alarming. On a certain level I'm very conscious of how I come off but in the end I really don't see my honesty as having any sort of detrimental effect to my preceived character. I wish I could talk about all the fabulous vacations I'm going on, what fantastic products I've bought recently or just how deeply in love I am. But I'm too fucking poor and stressed out, all I've got are my feelings, experiences and a whole lotta school.
Ok, before I get off on too negative a course I'll cut things short. Good morning everyone, have a great weekend.
