Is Committal the New Freedom?

Jesus christ I haven't got laid in two months. I mean the layage I can take care of with my good friend masturbation.

What really sucks is the lack of affection.

I'm starting to think that maybe I've developed issues around giving and receiving it. Which would be bitterly ironic given that it is my anti-thesis of self. I'm a very affectionate person. When I was a little kid I used to hug and kiss random strangers on the street. I quickly learned this wasn't a good thing but my perspective really hasn't changed a whole lot despite being a little more reserved.

I guess it is that whereas in the past I was pretty egalitarian with my affection in my adult life. That is in the sense that I felt everyone was worthy of affection regardless of how likely I was to get down with them. A few bad experiences have of course comprimised my better nature again. Now I feel as if I must save it for somebody special. Such that my investment is returned, so to speak.

Rational (possibly?) acrobatics aside I still need some affection. The good kind.