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Decompression
Jun. 2nd, 2004 11:08 pmGee whiz Jiminy Cricket I've been one flaked out negative nelly for the past little while. I've put some crazy kinda pressure on myself to perform lately to be honest. It's been kinda paralysing me and leading my mind into some very negative and downright offensive sort of egocentric thinking. When I can't perform up to my own expectations I tend to just seize up and take out my frustrations in a variety of unhealthy ways.
Ranting about politics on Livejournal all the time? Not particularly healthy. Spending 3hrs preparing ad-mat for a mix I want to share on Livejournal? Not the best use of time. Although "Jazzpunk" (the sequel to "Electrogays") is pretty much done.
Also the social atmosphere at home is a bit tenser than usual (money, time, health yada yada etc.) so being a product of my environment I sort of take on this stress as well.
I guess I'm at the point in this cycle of things where I realize my stress and re-evaluate how I'm doing things. My lifestyle expectations for instance are a tad exaggerated. Most of my friends are professional mid-20's and up. This makes doing the things they can afford to do a bit of a stretch for somebody younger such as myself. Being economically cut out of a social circle is a bit of a bummer. And also a fact of life. Expecting myself to be able to jetset around to various major cities to party is just not going to be a possibility for the time being. And there's no reason to get upset about that or anything else. Because there is so much more I could be doing for myself in the meantime. Yeah I'm talking about Chicago but also other stuff like how well I do in school, how much I practice viola/bass/mixing and how many great parties I can get to. My expectations are tuned just way too high and it's only bringing me down. That is totally nutszilla.
I just need to relax, smell some roses and allow myself to accure some low-interest rate happiness. Culminating the realizations of late: 1) I want to strip down my self-errected barriers and be loved. Like really loved for really and 2) I want to take it easy, fall into something casual and nature while still inching towards my (megalomanical) long-term goals.
Ranting about politics on Livejournal all the time? Not particularly healthy. Spending 3hrs preparing ad-mat for a mix I want to share on Livejournal? Not the best use of time. Although "Jazzpunk" (the sequel to "Electrogays") is pretty much done.
Also the social atmosphere at home is a bit tenser than usual (money, time, health yada yada etc.) so being a product of my environment I sort of take on this stress as well.
I guess I'm at the point in this cycle of things where I realize my stress and re-evaluate how I'm doing things. My lifestyle expectations for instance are a tad exaggerated. Most of my friends are professional mid-20's and up. This makes doing the things they can afford to do a bit of a stretch for somebody younger such as myself. Being economically cut out of a social circle is a bit of a bummer. And also a fact of life. Expecting myself to be able to jetset around to various major cities to party is just not going to be a possibility for the time being. And there's no reason to get upset about that or anything else. Because there is so much more I could be doing for myself in the meantime. Yeah I'm talking about Chicago but also other stuff like how well I do in school, how much I practice viola/bass/mixing and how many great parties I can get to. My expectations are tuned just way too high and it's only bringing me down. That is totally nutszilla.
I just need to relax, smell some roses and allow myself to accure some low-interest rate happiness. Culminating the realizations of late: 1) I want to strip down my self-errected barriers and be loved. Like really loved for really and 2) I want to take it easy, fall into something casual and nature while still inching towards my (megalomanical) long-term goals.
