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New Days. New Adventures.
Mar. 7th, 2005 07:40 amHoly smokes, was I ever tired yesterday. Now really you'd think that even an unrested robot could do my job... and you're right. Although the level of restraint required not to deck self-righteous bitches right in the kisser was nearly saintly. If saints were into hitting people. Although I could be wrong, some of those Catholic ones seem to have a lot of leeway.
Segue.
So you're some middle-class van/SUV driving soccer mom at the grocery store. Like the rest you think you are the queen of the universe and all other people answer to you. Even though you are but one very mildly educated bitch with a mortgage in a few other million. You need a way to differentiate yourself from your bitches-in-arms at said grocery store. But how? Facing the fact that you are not unique, if only internally, you devise that being truly unique is impossible. So go for the least popular type of difference you can cash in on: a disability!
Now I'm sensitive to people with physical disabilities. It's not really a big deal because most people with them have learnt to deal with the in really effective and creative ways. We have a regular who is 4' tall if he's an inch who shops for his whole family of 4. He gets on just fine. We have a dude with NO LEGS who has no problem doing his shopping.
So when you come flouncing in, VW remote starter in hand, and start to demand I shop for you because you have a "hurt wrist" I'm totally going to give you an inquiring eye. It's a disease I call the "Oh could you" disease. Because it starts with "Oh could you", not a valid explanation. Allow me to provide two examples:
"Excuse me, yes, I can't reach that box of Cheerios. Could you get it down for me?"
To which one gladly obliges to help as this is an example of a reasonable request for help. However an unreasonable request goes something like this:
"Oh could you show me where this item is"
Followed by:
"Oh could you put this in my cart."
Followed by:
"Oh could you push my cart to the front of the store"
By "Oh could you" number two or three suddenly you find yourself being a personal shopper for somebody. This is when the eyebrows quirk and you get The Trump Card! This is usually some sort of temporary malady like a sprained wrist or hurt ankle. Of course you can still drive to the grocery store... alone. But you've got to come and bug me to do your shopping for you. That's not all right. I am not the store's official assistant for hypochondriac customers. Although sometimes I wonder.
The ironic part is the sheer mass of regulars who are always hurt in some way or another. We all find ways of dealing with illness. These people are just scammers who found a way to work the system, no sympathy here. If the guy with no legs can shop on his own, so can you.
And still I smile, a sickly homicidal smile, and try not to wring their necks. That is how it happens.
Segue.
So you're some middle-class van/SUV driving soccer mom at the grocery store. Like the rest you think you are the queen of the universe and all other people answer to you. Even though you are but one very mildly educated bitch with a mortgage in a few other million. You need a way to differentiate yourself from your bitches-in-arms at said grocery store. But how? Facing the fact that you are not unique, if only internally, you devise that being truly unique is impossible. So go for the least popular type of difference you can cash in on: a disability!
Now I'm sensitive to people with physical disabilities. It's not really a big deal because most people with them have learnt to deal with the in really effective and creative ways. We have a regular who is 4' tall if he's an inch who shops for his whole family of 4. He gets on just fine. We have a dude with NO LEGS who has no problem doing his shopping.
So when you come flouncing in, VW remote starter in hand, and start to demand I shop for you because you have a "hurt wrist" I'm totally going to give you an inquiring eye. It's a disease I call the "Oh could you" disease. Because it starts with "Oh could you", not a valid explanation. Allow me to provide two examples:
"Excuse me, yes, I can't reach that box of Cheerios. Could you get it down for me?"
To which one gladly obliges to help as this is an example of a reasonable request for help. However an unreasonable request goes something like this:
"Oh could you show me where this item is"
Followed by:
"Oh could you put this in my cart."
Followed by:
"Oh could you push my cart to the front of the store"
By "Oh could you" number two or three suddenly you find yourself being a personal shopper for somebody. This is when the eyebrows quirk and you get The Trump Card! This is usually some sort of temporary malady like a sprained wrist or hurt ankle. Of course you can still drive to the grocery store... alone. But you've got to come and bug me to do your shopping for you. That's not all right. I am not the store's official assistant for hypochondriac customers. Although sometimes I wonder.
The ironic part is the sheer mass of regulars who are always hurt in some way or another. We all find ways of dealing with illness. These people are just scammers who found a way to work the system, no sympathy here. If the guy with no legs can shop on his own, so can you.
And still I smile, a sickly homicidal smile, and try not to wring their necks. That is how it happens.
