New Days. New Adventures.

[nfotxn]

Holy smokes, was I ever tired yesterday. Now really you'd think that even an unrested robot could do my job... and you're right. Although the level of restraint required not to deck self-righteous bitches right in the kisser was nearly saintly. If saints were into hitting people. Although I could be wrong, some of those Catholic ones seem to have a lot of leeway.

Segue.

So you're some middle-class van/SUV driving soccer mom at the grocery store. Like the rest you think you are the queen of the universe and all other people answer to you. Even though you are but one very mildly educated bitch with a mortgage in a few other million. You need a way to differentiate yourself from your bitches-in-arms at said grocery store. But how? Facing the fact that you are not unique, if only internally, you devise that being truly unique is impossible. So go for the least popular type of difference you can cash in on: a disability!

Now I'm sensitive to people with physical disabilities. It's not really a big deal because most people with them have learnt to deal with the in really effective and creative ways. We have a regular who is 4' tall if he's an inch who shops for his whole family of 4. He gets on just fine. We have a dude with NO LEGS who has no problem doing his shopping.

So when you come flouncing in, VW remote starter in hand, and start to demand I shop for you because you have a "hurt wrist" I'm totally going to give you an inquiring eye. It's a disease I call the "Oh could you" disease. Because it starts with "Oh could you", not a valid explanation. Allow me to provide two examples:

"Excuse me, yes, I can't reach that box of Cheerios. Could you get it down for me?"

To which one gladly obliges to help as this is an example of a reasonable request for help. However an unreasonable request goes something like this:

"Oh could you show me where this item is"

Followed by:

"Oh could you put this in my cart."

Followed by:

"Oh could you push my cart to the front of the store"

By "Oh could you" number two or three suddenly you find yourself being a personal shopper for somebody. This is when the eyebrows quirk and you get The Trump Card! This is usually some sort of temporary malady like a sprained wrist or hurt ankle. Of course you can still drive to the grocery store... alone. But you've got to come and bug me to do your shopping for you. That's not all right. I am not the store's official assistant for hypochondriac customers. Although sometimes I wonder.

The ironic part is the sheer mass of regulars who are always hurt in some way or another. We all find ways of dealing with illness. These people are just scammers who found a way to work the system, no sympathy here. If the guy with no legs can shop on his own, so can you.

And still I smile, a sickly homicidal smile, and try not to wring their necks. That is how it happens.

Comments

Why 'work the system' like this? It's absurd.

[satarnion.livejournal.com]

Okay, this doesn't make sense. I mean, I could understand it if the job she was having you do involved hefty and intense labor--but putting food into a fucking shopping cart?

It reminds me of one of my bitch classmates who points, whenever possible, WHAT a vegetarian she is. If you even mention meat in conversation, her entire face flusters with irritation--because she just *does not* eat it! Or when you have a friend who mentions their addiction to cigarettes just a little to often. So vocal about their imagined victimization/martyrdom.

It's gotta be that their trying to justify their laziness, but being too lazy to put your own fucking groceries in the cart seems a little *too* lazy, even for the most fucked up people....not to mention that she's still walking around the store asking you to do things.

My personal theory: She's trying in her own fucked up way to get laid.

If anything, you should be flattered that they want you to do this; I think it means they think you're cute.

On the other hand, lot of good that's doing you.

What bitches.

typo corrections

[satarnion.livejournal.com]

points = points out

their = they're

[cmhcub4u.livejournal.com]

It would have been too perfect if you had run into you're regular that is missing the legs while the lady was acting so pitiful. Then you could say something like "Oh hello Mr. Smith, how are you doing today? I am just helping this poor lady that hurt her wrist and it is far too difficult for her to do her shopping."

I'm sure that would traumatize her and make her think twice about pulling that crap again.

[tecknow.livejournal.com]

Since I walk with a cane much, but not all, of the time, I find that when "oh could you" sufferers see it it actually draws out this kind of behavior, as if seeing someone with an actual, inarguable disability makes them desperate to prove they're 'serious' about being disabled, or rush to get all the help they can before I suck it up.

sometimes people try to work their way into "I'm more disabled than you" pissing contests, and I swear some of the "hurt wrist" crowd would not hesitate to claim that that man with no legs has it easy because of the advanced state of understanding treatment for such problems, whereas they suffer from nebulous and mysteriously convenient pain only overpaid specialists have even heard about.

[xkot.livejournal.com]

You must have a lot of patience. I think I'd choke a bitch.

[dizzi-d.livejournal.com]

*gag* :)

We had folks with the same kind of "look at me! I'm important" aura come into Fritz on a regular basis.

One day, one of the guys stopped this chattering woman in mid sentence as she was blathering on about some kind of "emergency" she was having. He said (in his patented Stern Yet Serious Bitch™ voice) "Listen, okay? I'm going to tell you. There's NO SUCH THING as a collectibles emergency. There isn't. Unless your kidneys just happen to be made of porcelain and shaped like Mickey Mouse, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm pretty sure you're not going to die if we don't take care of you before the 8 other nice people in the store..."

She sputtered and looked mad, but she noticed the other shoppers smiling and chuckling, and went into politics mode and laughed it off because she knew nobody had her sable-coated back.

It was beautiful.

autocentrism™

[diesel-pioneer.livejournal.com]

It's a bit like what my [21 year old] sister does to my mum and the rest of our family [hypochondriatic stuff, taxi-ing, financial stuff, etc.] Perhaps my thoughts are a little harsh or vindictive, but manipulative people irk me no end. What's especially annoying is that often she's actually a sane, likeable person.

but yeah, manipulative people suck. a lot.

[http://users.livejournal.com/speedy_/]

She must be an arrogant bitch, and when she was a little girl she had everything done for her, "Princess can not do that, she is too fragile; let princess sit in your place, she need to be conformtable; princess must pass before everyone else..." Well, Guess what? Princess is now a useless piss-off bitch who can't do anything on her own.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I used to find that a lot of people come to retail workers to get "care" as in "at least SOMEbody cares about me". I don' think it's about being lazy, I think it's about being loney, or feeling you have no control over your life, or feeling unloved and used by your family. And then sometimes it's about being an egocentric princess who needs to put someone down in order to feel good about herself.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Oh I can tell princess from lonely very well. And this was some seriously tumultuous princess bullshit.

What does Princess want ToDay!?

[(Anonymous)]

Remember? From Seinfeld?

Oh a spoiled woman is one of the most truley scarey and repulsive creatures of the universe.

What I don't understand is the people that seem to actually GET OFF on raising their daughters this way. Are they insane? Or just self-obsessive.

Oh right....

At any rate, just stop the cycle people. If you have a daughter make sure she knows her place in the universe. Her down to earthedness has nothing to do with how pretty she is. (like, duh)

[etherlad.livejournal.com]

Is this the one who wanted a couple of cases of iced tea? If so, I apologize for inadvertently foisting her off on you.

She approached me while I was on break, grabbing a drink. You know, on break. With my coat on, and zipped up so only a small portion of my blue shirt was showing.

"Do you work here?"
"Well, yes, but I'm on break."
"I need to get a couple of cases of iced tea."

Now, at this point, I was perfectly willing to grab them for her.

"Those cases over there? Because I can quickly..."
She interrupted me, "Where can I find someone who isn't on break?!"
"... Over there, at customer service."

I then grumbled to myself for a few minutes before going upstairs and eating my chicken balls in peace.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

The very same! She was so looking for a fight. Dumbass bitch.

[foodpoisoningsf.livejournal.com]

They don't want Cheerios, they want you to fuck them silly. I know, LOL (as in lots of luck) but hey, they're desperate housewives.

[guikc.livejournal.com]

Ain't that just the bloody 100-proof truth.