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Pitter Patter Tender Heart
Sep. 28th, 2005 12:05 pmLately I've felt a bit crazy. There's so much going on that I don't have much time to reflect. This is how fall usually is really, and I suppose I'm glad to be caught up in the madness. There are a few things that are bugging me though.
I am kind of a high maintenance friend sometimes and am feeling really out of touch with people. I know I am caught up in my own thing as much as they are. Similarly some local non-blogging friends I think I may need to stop hanging around for a while. Sometimes you just move apart from people, even ones you've known a long time. What was bugging me was that I couldn't figure out if I was trying to be loyal or co-dependent. All I know is that I was not sharing in the things they enjoy and similarly they aren't much interested in me. C'est la vie, non?
I'm trying to be a nicer person on my blog. I have a severe geek streak and sometimes go off on people or subjects like captain of the debate team. Sometimes it's aggressive and hurtful. I don't want to be that guy. I am not that guy, although sometimes he pops up. I know why this is too, growing up as a kid debate was just the way we functioned. Not everybody takes kindly to it, so I'd best keep it to myself and appropriate times.
There are still a lot of regrets I feel. I'm definitely a bit depressed these days for stupid reasons. I'm actually making a lot of personal progress. If I don't die of stunted perfectionism first.
I am kind of a high maintenance friend sometimes and am feeling really out of touch with people. I know I am caught up in my own thing as much as they are. Similarly some local non-blogging friends I think I may need to stop hanging around for a while. Sometimes you just move apart from people, even ones you've known a long time. What was bugging me was that I couldn't figure out if I was trying to be loyal or co-dependent. All I know is that I was not sharing in the things they enjoy and similarly they aren't much interested in me. C'est la vie, non?
I'm trying to be a nicer person on my blog. I have a severe geek streak and sometimes go off on people or subjects like captain of the debate team. Sometimes it's aggressive and hurtful. I don't want to be that guy. I am not that guy, although sometimes he pops up. I know why this is too, growing up as a kid debate was just the way we functioned. Not everybody takes kindly to it, so I'd best keep it to myself and appropriate times.
There are still a lot of regrets I feel. I'm definitely a bit depressed these days for stupid reasons. I'm actually making a lot of personal progress. If I don't die of stunted perfectionism first.
