(no subject)

[nfotxn]

Wow, what a great weekend. I got tons of stuff around the house done, had a fantastic time at the new local bar and saw friends I'd don't usually see very often for the second weekend in a row. Oh, I drank moderately and resisted smoking the whole night, which I'm über proud of myself about. Yes "über proud".

Now, if the OPSEU strike would end life would be perfect.

Comments

[stingray1975.livejournal.com]

*pats you on the... back* yes, congrats again on resisting the urge to smoke! w00t!

as for the strike, it doesn't look pretty. i'm not sure what the issues were in 1996, but OPSEU fought a five-week strike then. the current political climate in ontario (i.e. previous strikes against the ontario government) doesn't exacty help either.

if the government could give into the request of a pay increase of 5% per year over the next two years, instead of offering 1.95% per year over the next three, things may be better. apparently, job security is also an issue 'cause the government wants to introduce a system of pay based on performance.

*crosses fingers & toes too* i hope that this gets resolved quickly, as everyone loses during an extended strike.

[jenneferre.livejournal.com]

"Oh, and I skipped my rehearsals to do so, thus negating any progress at reachieving trust and respect from my peers and teacher that I may have have made over the last few months."

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I need to talk to your Mom. She really intimidates me to be honest. Things were rougher earlier in the week, infact I was sorta wrecked just like the old days. You have to understand that being prone to clinical depression is a fact of my life and I'm still learning to deal with it in effective ways. That includes a lot of communication, which can be hard when you wake up some days and think life is not worth facing or living.

I guess my fate lies in your Mom's hands right now. Hopefully she'll be merciful.

I think I'll go practice now.

Re:

[jenneferre.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that I can't understand that. Maybe I haven't been doctor-diagnosed with depression, but I'm pretty sure I've been there. I've had many a day that I couldn't bear to get up and face, and have often contemplated drastic solutions... of course, I'm still here, and I'm pretty sure I haven't let anyone down too badly. But then, maybe that means that I just don't understand, right?

I think the thing I really don't get is how you are able to make plans with people on the spur of the moment and meet them in foreign cities, and you never seem to fall through on them, and yet, you can't keep up with commitments, ie. school, lessons, rehearsals. Responsibility is a part of growing up. You don't act your age, dear.

Yes, your "fate", as you put it, rests in my mom's hands. But mostly, it runs in yours. You got yourself here, you're the only one to get yourself out. Frankly, you make excuses far too often. Maturity, once again, is standing up for yourself and admitting that you made them. Not avoiding them, and not blaming them on other people.

Also, you really can't push people's limits like this. You have been given thousands of chances. My mom doesn't put up with this shit from anyone else. She should not have to do so. And I don't think anyone else could fathom treating her, and the ensemble, the way you do.

I am sorry if I come off as harsh. But I truly think a reality check is in order. Love you.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

I think the thing I really don't get is how you are able to make plans with people on the spur of the moment and meet them in foreign cities, and you never seem to fall through on them, and yet, you can't keep up with commitments, ie. school, lessons, rehearsals. Responsibility is a part of growing up. You don't act your age, dear.

I think I have to put this more in perspective. Meeting people in "foreign cities" has been more about seeking out answers about my sexuality and getting to come to terms with it. Feeling good about it even. And that's a closed chapter at this point, I really don't have any plans nor will be making any to leave this city with the exception of Toronto pride in june.

I know I don't my age and on a variety of levels I've been somewhat aware of this for a while. I'm not sure exactly why it's so but I'm working to catch up in life in general. It's really my entire theme right now. Catching up.

Yes, your "fate", as you put it, rests in my mom's hands. But mostly, it runs in yours. You got yourself here, you're the only one to get yourself out. Frankly, you make excuses far too often. Maturity, once again, is standing up for yourself and admitting that you made them. Not avoiding them, and not blaming them on other people.

Yeah, I've put a lot of blame on Dad and situations and a variety of things. Mostly because I think as a person I was both immature and not terribly emotionally strong or stable. I'd like to think this is changing. But I've said that before.. I can't be sure. I slip a lot, it's hard but I'm gonna try harder than before. I know that much.

I'll be talking to your Mom tomorrow.

Also, you really can't push people's limits like this. You have been given thousands of chances. My mom doesn't put up with this shit from anyone else. She should not have to do so. And I don't think anyone else could fathom treating her, and the ensemble, the way you do.

I am sorry if I come off as harsh. But I truly think a reality check is in order. Love you.

Harshness is important and I appreciate it, it helps me to understand that you care. I know I've pushed people, I've pushed friends and family for a few years now. I need a reality check as things have been too easy for me. I can just run home to Mom when the going gets tough and live in my room playing on the computer.

Like I want to do that for the rest of my life. So here I go again.

Re:

[jenneferre.livejournal.com]

Honey, if Life allowed me, I would spend the rest of mine holed up on a computer. With an adjacent Kitchen, a viola, a backyard, and a soccerball. And I would be happy. For once. Unfortunately...

Take care. Good luck. You know I'm here when you need anything - help, someone with whom to talk, someone to whom to talk, some with whom to hang out and avoid all issues. =) Al of us who care for you (and there are many) would so much prefer to have you ask for help, and then to hear your apologies afterwards. Think about it. Love ya.

Saying what you need to hear, not what you want to hear

[cub4bear.livejournal.com]

You skipped rehearsals to clean the house and go to the bar? That's bad.

No, scratch that. That's beyond bad.

You say you want to graduate high school and go to university and move to Toronto, but in order to do that you need to take responsibility. You've been posting for over a year about all kinds of things you want to do, but it doesn't seem like you ever take the steps necessary to do them. You can't keep blaming other people ("your mom intimidates me") or situations ("my dad's home", "i'm depressed"), or things ("that damn OPSEU strike.").
Yes, shit happens, but at some point you have to pick up and move on. Don't use depression as an excuse. If you're suffering from depression, you should be getting treatment. Don't use the OPSEU strike as an excuse. There are libraries. Study.

You're 20. Do you think you're acting 20?

Re: no place to say...

[jenneferre.livejournal.com]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "it's not my place to say". When you are involved in a group, you have made a commitment. Not showing up for rehearsals is letting the entire group. Actions DO have consequences, and they DO affect people other than you. Not that one shouldn't do what one can to be happy, but once you CHOOSE to be involved with something, you should damn well own up to the responsibility and give it your best effort.

Re: no place to say...

[tecknow.livejournal.com]

as long as this seems to be the thread for uninvolved people to post their personal opinions for discussion, I'll hop right in, I'm bored.

I say that your founding this argument on "the group" is a bad idea. The world isn't comprised of groups, the world is comprised of individuals. Groups are among the most abused abstractions I know, escapes for people with a drive to belong and shields for people to weak willed to stand alone. The only thing that can be betrayed is one's self, which can through empathy be betrayed by hurting people we care about.

The three real consequences of Broodie's decision to skip rehersal are, in order of importance as I see them, the damage to his self respect, the cost of upsetting you, (as you act like broodie is close to you, I assume that it is true) and others he is close to, and the risk to his plans for himself. (upsetting your mother)

If you really want to analyze the situation you have to ask yourself how we was able to get past each of them with this decision. There probably isn't much you can do about any of them, and I would recommend light hands on the situation. The only effect you have on him is the pull your emotions have on his own, stretch that to the breakig point, and you won't be able to reach him at all.

Tec,

Re: no place to say...

[notofthisworld.livejournal.com]

1) Ha! "Broodie". That's funny. If I hadn't read the rest of your post, I would have thought that was a snide insult. But I guess you were just being stupid.

2) Shut up, stupid.