Top Ten Turn Offs

[nfotxn]

I thought I'd compile a list of my top 10 turns offs while I'm on this shallow jag.

1. "I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't think anyone will like me ever. If I don't find somebody soon I'm gonna kill myself. Hey, do you think I'm cute?"

2. "I spent my last paycheck at North Bound leather. I'm not really kinky but I think it looks sooo hot."

3. "OMG, so we were like at this party and I was soooo high then this hot daddy offered me a bump of his trail mix and I woke up with three dildos up my butt. Wanna fuck?"

4. "I don't really use condoms as such, I mean I've been fucking bareback for years and I've never got sick."

5. "Last year at IML I was awarding Mr. LeatherFetishOutstanding Bear 1986 followed by my reign at IBR for the following yeah. Then I scooted to Bear Pride and with my great work with children I was awarded 2nd place to that other guy WHOM I LOVE but I know the judges had it fixed because he sucked them off and ...
   
   *20 minutes later*
   
   So what's you're name? You're kinda cute."

6. "Aren't you just the most cuddley-smuddley cub in all of everything yes you are!! You're so woofy-smooshing I just want to lick your cute cuddleywuddley body! Wanna see my collection of over 1000 stuffed bears?"

7. "Stats? Pics?"

8. "I think person X has got it out for me even though I don't talk to him anymore because you know we're not together after I found out he was cheating on the side not that I wasn't but I told him I wanted to know and are you with him or me? Because I can tell if you're with him and you can't talk to his friends anymore or else I know you're on the other side

9. "I'm not gonna tell you my real name or where I'm from but damn you're hot and I really wanna get with you."

10. "Wow, that was the most amazing time ever. Can we be boyfriends? I know we just met but I KNOW you're the right one."

Comments

[kj.livejournal.com]

Dude, you're channelling me.

How about....

[david365.livejournal.com]

"You're hot - wanna fuck? We can suck face on the dance floor at Werx later?"

;)

*smooch*

David

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

My wife's away with the kids at Girl Guides this weekend, so we can fuck at your place without me having to make excuses. Hey, do you like leftovers? She makes a mean potroast and there was leftovers from last weekend. Oh wait, I took those to the Kiwanis meeting. Just so you know, I'm not gay.

Ah yes...

[gmjambear]

It's ok to fuck...
It's ok to suck...
But don't kiss me...

*grown!!!!*

Re: Ah yes...

[jwall.livejournal.com]

That's caused me to walk out on numerous occasions--even if I had driven 40 miles to get there.

Re: Ah yes...

[bigmacbear]

A bit of doggerel I read somewhere, allegedly transcribed from a bathroom wall:

Suck my cock and tease my balls
Invade my ass and stretch the walls
Fuck my mouth and ejaculate
But please don't kiss me 'cause I'm straight.

How about....

[gmjambear]

After a hot 4 hour session of loud, passionate, gymnastic, orgasmic sex and then....
"Oh, you want my phone number. (pause) Well, here's my pager number (or cell phone number). It's much more convenient since i'm not at home that much (e.g.: married w/children or in a 'monogamous' relationship...).

Ouch!

Ha ha ha ha

[cub4bear.livejournal.com]

This is especially funny for me because I know the inspiration for each of those "turn-offs."

Re: Ha ha ha ha

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the saddest part too. These are not fictional situations they have and I figure will continue to happen to me as long as I actively date/meet people.

Re: Ha ha ha ha

[bremo.livejournal.com]

I think one of the most amusing ones I have gotten so far is "I have a hot body. Do you?"

[gmjambear]

And many people get into that "turn-off" mode because "Hello. How are you?" is too easy to say. The person tries to say something cute and it sounds like blecch!

[jwall.livejournal.com]

How about: "Hey, I've never seen you here before--you're cute. Wanna go fuck in the bathroom?" (thinking: If I suck hard enough, he might share his drugs.)

[smointjoker.livejournal.com]

"Can I spead you open and lick you clean?"

[sultmhoor.livejournal.com]

Who's the fuzzy little mustache man? Is it you? Is it you?

And the moral of the story is...

[benpanced.livejournal.com]

RUN! HIDE! RUN! HIDE! HIDE! RUN! HUN! RIDE!

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

And those Joy Division records.

Come on.

Yes, all of them.

here's a question for ya, Brodie.

[(Anonymous)]

So what's the dumbest thing you've ever said to someone that you kind of liked or that you were on a date with? You know... when something horrifyingly stupid comes out of your mouth .001 seconds before you desperately wished that you had just smiled and nodded your head.

Re: here's a question for ya, Brodie.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

I've said so much stupid shit to people but I can't even think of a single instance because I usually explain my feelings or use the wonderful impliment of humour. And if somebody isn't gonna let me off the hook for not buffering my speech long enough then I'm not sure I really like them so much anymore ;)