Obligatory New Years Catharsis

[nfotxn]

So here's where I talk about how I'm going to become my ideal person in 2003.

Hope terribly idealistic and therefore unrealistic.

I guess my feelings about 2002 are mixed. This year was really very formative although I'd hate to live a year that is not. I would say in the past year I came into being an adult, at least more than I was before. Learned a lot about sustaining meaningful friendships and I definitely think sex became a more manageable priority. On the other hand I didn't really accomplish much in a formal sense. And even at times this year I felt real depression and hopelessness, luckily only in passing.

My hopes for 2003? I want to realize my potential at least a little bit. I know I have a lot, I'm lucky to be confident of that. But confidence only leads to performance, persistance makes the achievement. That I am lacking. It's hard to be concrete about goals in 2003 although there are the following possibilities other than the perogative of completing school:

• Finish my record. I have literally hundreds of songs and sketches now. I need to complete more than three. Playing a real gig would be nice.
• Continue writing my journal for myself. I'd like to make it more accessible in both the W3C and literary sense. This means writing less and for meaning. I might move to a moveabletype blog or write a parallel weblog about media.
• Manage my money better. I need to start saving for school and possible travel as Dad is not a reliable souce (as much as I feel entitled to it).
• Learn to drive. It's not likely I can afford wheels but it is a useful skill.
• Become more comfortable in Hamilton. It's my reality for the time being and the escapism-to-Toronto isn't a sustainable solution. I need to stop using my sexuality as an excuse for living my life as it is. It's here in my home town for at least a year more.
• Take better care of myself, get into a routine and sustain a rhythem that's healthy. My body can take lack of sleep and a poor diet for only so long. I'm sure my often less-than-snappy mood is due to this.
• Use the internet less and therefore more efficiently. Instant messaging is the bane of my existence, I can't rely on remote people for social and emotional support. It's an insult to the people are around me.
• Do things for myself and only myself. This is a really important point.
• A job would be nice.
• Become comfortable with my body. See "Take better care of myself..."

All things considered I don't see these as resolutions, I resolve all the time. That's one of the primary purposes of this journal.

All-in-all I feel optimistic about the coming year

Comments

[jwall.livejournal.com]

Take better care of myself...

How, exactly? Where do you feel you need to be, physically, to be satisfied? What's your desired weight? Bench press? 100-yard dash time? Bust size?

Don't start without setting exacting, specific goals. You're not a simp -- I'm sure you can see the problems associated with starting a race with no finish line.

Or at least mile-marks.

[telecommunicate.livejournal.com]

Everything is open, nothing is set in stone.
Rivers turns to ocean, ocean tide your home.
Home is where the heart is but your heart had to roam.

Don't worry, at least you have my cheesecake brownies to look forward to. Happy new year.