The Adventures of Matt Jelly in Mexico: Part V

[nfotxn]

This is why I'm really glad to know somebody like Matt. He understand the importance of being humble. It's one of the most important skills I've learnt in recent years.

Read on.

Hello again

You´ll all be glad to know that things are good and comfortable in San Miguel. So far I´ve been writing about the daily events of living in Mexico, but now I´ve settled into a life that may not be very different from your own. Sure, the respective temperatures are completely obtuse when compared, but every day we all put our pants on one leg at a time and do whatever it is we do. And so on.

So, I thought I´d share with you some things that have been on my mind since day one. I apologize if these thoughts lack a certain organization, I don´t have much of a chronology to work with.

I mentioned in my last e-mail that I´ve experienced a lot of doubt, fear and paranoia throughout the last couple of months. It´s very true. Now, I think it´s safe to say that most people experience feelings like that in their day to day lives- I´ve always been a neurotic person, whether I´ve always shown that or not. There are plenty of reasons I decided to move here. Of course the weather had something to do with it, but that´s probably the most superficial of reasons.

Back when I was a kitchen grunt in a Westdale restaurant we´ll call ´The Legume Lounge´ I learned plenty of valuable lessons. One friday night they started me out on the side of the kitchen where the Entrees were cooked- at that point I had next to no experience as a cook besides the assembalage of a fine salad, or even a pretty damn good sandwich.

The restaurant was packed, and to put it frankly, I got fucked. It was a mess. Customers were pissed, meals were cold, orders were wrong, none of the servers made any tips, and on top of it all I almost had a nervous breakdown.

Now, when I look back on that, it was a pivotal moment in my life- the following Monday I came back to work and everything was as easy as slicing butter with a hot knife.

In order to get anywhere or learn anything, you have to be humbled first. It´s the line cook´s story, it´s the artist´s story, it´s everyone´s story. I came down here to learn a basic alchemy- turning shit to gold, and seeing how far a man can go when he´s stripped of his resources.

Now I haven´t had any nervous breakdowns (yet)- I´ve cried my eyes out on a mountain or two, but that wasn´t so much an action driven by any negative feelings- I´ve never felt that way before in my life; I could feel the future rushing towards me, and I could hear questions that I didn´t know how to answer. But that, I think is the beautiful thing about being young, ignorant and humbled- knowing that I have a LONG way to go.

Originally I had planned to find myself a quiet place out in the desert to scream my lungs out. I had this crazy idea that there was a multitude of very North American things I needed to purge from myself somehow, and that was the best idea I could come up with. But no, as it turned out, this operation was better exectuted quietly, alone in the swirling wind of a mountain top. It felt excellent, and it was followed by (to steal a line from Charles Bukowski) perfect laughter.

I didn´t come down here to find a grand solution to every problem. I came down here to take home a little more than I knew before. That´s all I´ve demanded of myself. I want to know a few more things, and then just do the only thing I´ve ever known how to do; in art, in life, in love, in hot smelly kitchens, in stressed out telemarketing pens, in the blistering heat of meaty mexican streets- CONTINUE.

(Now here´s where I´m dangerously coming close to sounding like a preacher. Please don´t see it that way- this is more or less a summary of the self-motivating speech I´ve had to mutter to myself in order to convince myself that I´m on the right path.)

Right now, there are billions of tiny revolutions waiting to happen, under fingernails, between the cracks in the pavement, on the heads of pins, anywhere and everywhere. It all just has to be lit ablaze. I´ve always felt that if we could all just jump forward at opportunities before they become lost and presumed dead that anything can happen. But it´s the fear, the doubt, the paranoia and the hesitation that are the preventative gate holding us back. Throw yourself out of bed tomorrow morning like a mad man (or woman) and tell me if I´m making any sense. Make your actions razor sharp, live on a whim, never be afraid that happiness has gone out of style and god damn it, fuck the odds, let´s all play to win.

Maybe that´s what the yelping dogs in the back yards of the world have been trying to tell us for years.

Take it easy.

Jelly

Comments

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[lynxmaul.livejournal.com]

tis a very inspiring message...
being humble with everything you do is very worthwhile.. it lets you see so many more aspects of view rather than a glorified version of events etc...
Matt sounds like hes got his head screwed on properly.. If only more people could have such a realisitc view on life.. *sigh* 2 hours to go

[umkinda.livejournal.com]

My brother was telling me the other day that he's burnt out on vacations for a while, and he doesn't understand people who have to go on vacations to find something that should be in their own neighborhood.

It's nice to read Jelly's perfect rebuttal to that.