Condé Nasté and Men's Health

[nfotxn]

I need to start my own lifestyle magazine. I'm thinking Wired meets Mother Jones, Slate and Utne Reader with a monthly Bear pictorial. One magazine to pose challenging new view points, influence purchasing decisions and jerk off to.

What a satisfying day. I painted vacant appartments for my aunt to make a little extra cash. Then came home and BBQ'ed myself a delishiously greasy pork burger with some potatoes, onions and garlic in foil. It's days like this when I appreciate a lifestyle of hard work. Although I suppose most simulate the same feeling while keeping their sedentary desk jobs by going to a gym.

Speaking of gyms I haven't been to mine in two weeks. I promised my friend Jeff that I'd go with him today but I was busy working until late. I must get back on the path towards having GIANT BUILDING CRUSHING MAN BOOBS. Actually, I like what Adam has to say about the matter. *ahem* And I quote none other than Adam Stein (ultrabithorax) himself from the comments on cub4blog:

There is a tendency to equate time spent in the gym with actual productive work, and thus with accrued virtue, and thus with authority. Those with the biggest gym tits have obviously worked the hardest and are thus the most virtuous, which makes them More Righteous Than You. What they're thinking when the write casual insults in their classified copy is, "Look, pencil-neck, I didn't spend 300 hours on my lats last year to write no-thank-you notes to the likes of YOU, so don't bother." Ugly and spectacularly rude but not surprising.

So of course the question I ask myself is "How can I be even MORE virtuous while still having big hairy tits and arms?" Well of course by both acquiring said righteous bodily modifications while still hyper-intellectualizing the issue into some nebulous post-structural oblivion.

There. Done. Now I will go masturbate followed by some Rolo Ice Cream as reward.

Comments

There. Done. Now I will go masturbate followed by some Rolo Icecream as reward.

[goofybearz.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that new user icon. It's looks like that is just what you have finished doing. ***ducks***

Re: There. Done. Now I will go masturbate followed by some Rolo Icecream as reward.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Yes. I have no shirt on and you can't see my arms.

Therefore I could only be masturbating.

*smack*

Re: There. Done. Now I will go masturbate followed by some Rolo Icecream as reward.

[loganbeary.livejournal.com]

I think maybe he was referring to that white junk flashing in the right corner of your user icon. :o)

[dizzi-d.livejournal.com]

I like my mid-sized, utility shed-crushing man boobs... but there's always somebody bigger, so getting up on your high horse about it (or anything you're good at/invest time in) just means you'll eventually get crapped on by a horse that's higher up. Why bother :)

[xkot.livejournal.com]

Rolo Ice Cream?!? Share! Um, after you wash your hands.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

You don't want it protein enriched?

[theotherqpc.livejournal.com]

the magazine will be called (following the trend of O, Rosie, and Jane, and Utne) Brodie. or perhaps Chree. or BC. or something.

and i will read it.

perhaps also a recipe section?

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I could be on the cover of every issue coming out of my garden shed with a vintage 60's seafoam Melmac bowl full of colouful dildos to celebrate fall.

Or something.

And of course there will be recipes.

[dmoola.livejournal.com]

gym, schmym.... you look fab as is

i wish i had days like that... my desk is boring

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Most of my days are desk days. My desk is very boring too despite being full of distractions.

And don't let my usericon fool you, it's just a flattering angle.

[dmoola.livejournal.com]

yeah yeah, you all hot and sticky like a cinnabun, heh.

mmmmm.

[fenwalker.livejournal.com]

My man boobs are floppy. Is there a pill I can take for that?

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's called Placebo™ and since I've been on it my teeth are whiter, muscles are bigger and the bat people stop visiting me at night to steal my soul!

Thank you Placebo™!!

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

If you do this, I want in -- I went to school for this sort of thing.

Unfortunately it's not likely to happen :(

But we can dream! Dream! :)

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

>>So of course the question I ask myself is "How can I be even MORE virtuous while still having big hairy tits and arms?"

I like the fact that at least you are asking yourself this question. It's rare to see these kinds of reflections about working out in a journal.

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

*smashes status-quo with giant man boobs!*

HULK SMASH!

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

I've had big man tits since Grade 5.

They are old-school boobs. Big time.

[verucabear.livejournal.com]

Man, I didn't even know they made Rolo Ice Cream....I'm gonna have to hunt some down!!

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

It rules, there's even little pieces of rolo in it!

[tcbear.livejournal.com]

I would think that the whole virtuous thing would somehow relate to working dilegently, to fullest extend on something...and producing fruit from it that, in your pure motivations would allow you to improve the world around you at large. In that sense, someone who is obsessed with having larger man crushing boobies than anyone else and uses that as his motivation is probably on the wrong path already.

There should be a "Rolo-Flex" instead of BowFlex

[largemilk.livejournal.com]

I'm definitely headed out to local 7-11 or Quickie-mart (I do live in Amerika now, and if only "Quickie Mart" really meant what I thought it meant) to find some Rolo Ice Cream to squish between my "M'oobs" *smirk* while I continue to climb the M'oob Ladder. *watch out belowwwwww* Hee, hee.

Re: There should be a "Rolo-Flex" instead of BowFlex

[cub4bear.livejournal.com]

Oh, the irony.

[clauditorium.livejournal.com]

What? You get a reward when your masturbate?? How come I'm stuck with soul-crushing catholic guilt??

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

You really feel guilty after jerking off? That's gotta suck.

Yeah, the sentence really didn't read very well. I mean to say the masturbation AND ice cream were both part of the reward of over-intellectualizing going to the gym.

[clauditorium.livejournal.com]

I was kidding, though catholic guilt is present in other aspects of my life.
Actually, it makes sex hotter for me, because deep down, I really feel like man-on-man sex is wrong, which makes it forbidden fruit. And nothing is hotter than to transgress.

[abearius.livejournal.com]

Gyms are for men in thier 20s, 30s and 40s what chess is for men in their 60s, 70s, and 80s. It is a way to look like you are engaged in a terribly useful and interesting activity. Hmmmm. So what do you do in your 50s? *scratches head*

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Lift really heavy chess pieces? Or perhaps contemplate very complex gym strategies?

Additional INfo from the Internet

[abearius.livejournal.com]

Forwarded in a list of jokes:
"It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life. This enables you, at 85 years of age, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month."

[tuc1.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, Rolo ice cream.